See that headline up there? No, not the 30 Seconds to Mars one - they suck and can basically go fuck themselves - I'm talking about the So Grate part. Anyways, you're probably wondering what that means, and if you're not wondering what that means please take my 30 Second to Mars advice and apply it to yourself.
HA! No, just kidding, I appreciate all my readers - basically me and the sit e admin, judging from comments.
Ennihew, it means that my rants will now be in a thematically concise weekly column. Weekly column. Weekly.
Yes, let it sink in.
So today we're talking about a band that I've already expressed my feelings about (just there in the very first sentence), ladies and gentlemen, please don't get up for
30 Seconds To Mars
We're this smug 'cause we all have hemorrhoids
Now, I’m not going to review the whole [inexcusable] existence of this middle of the road dipshit band – that’ll take too many curse words and way too much blog space. I am only going to review one song of theirs.
This has nothing to do with cycling Riaad – I hear you whine.
Don’t worry, it’s coming – sheesh!!!!
The song I want to talk about is: Kings and Queens by 30 Seconds to Mars.
Still no cycling reference right, well now you can watch the video at the top again – if you already have, don’t watch it again, it might destroy you.
See how I care about my readers – fucking youku video man, not blocked youtube – YOUKU MARTHA FARKARS!!
If after this, you’re bleeding from your eyes and ears, welcome to my side of the world. If after this, you have a tear of inspiration in your eye and your feet are tapping in an odd melancholy way – YOU DESERVE TO… – no, seriously, it’s not worth it, just not worth it!!
Back to the video.
Did you see that? What a pile of feces. An absolutely horrible song that has nothing whatsoever to do with cycling, all of a sudden features each and every hipster bike rider in some obscure city with a sour anus look on their faces trudging through the streets behind what is clearly a very sexually confused lead singer of an emo band that would be better of at the botom of the ocean!
Any video that begins with a sunset or a sunrise majestically silhouetting the band on some hill needs to be burnt if you ask me.
"ooh, look, we're on a hill, this means we overcame adversity"
Then the lead singer, in a sign of unity with their fans, lifts his finger to the sky, pointing at some god’s anus and salutes the sun. IDIOT!!
The song carries on in a cacophony of oral violation and all of a sudden – CYCLIST FROM THE DAMNED!
Look, we're dressed up and painted, like hipsters should be!
WTF!!?
Am I the only one bothered by this?
I can just see how they came up with this video idea.
“Hey guys, so we need to do a video for Kings and Queens, you know, our other shitty song”
“Yeah, what can we do?”
“Well, this magazine says fixed gear bicycles are really in – let’s use that”
“The song has nothing to do with bicycles”
“Blah, menah, boobies!!”
“Yeah, fixed gears it is!”
Just ridiculous!
So you have them all riding through the city, there’s a little crash scene, but no one really cares – a hipster’s lack of a soul make it impossible for them to show emotion.
And then this:
A FUCKING HORSE!!
Yes, A FUCKING HORSE!!!
Nothing to do with bicycles, nothing to do with the crap music they make and nothing to do with kings and queens – except that many of them, may at some part of their lives have rubbed their private parts against a horse.
Now, if that’s not random, I have no idea what is!
This video is shit! 30 Seconds to Mars is just about as bad as Black Eyed Peas and if you think otherwise – shut up and eat your spandex HIPSTER!
I’m so… OOUGGHH!!!!!
I’m not even going to continue!
Next week hopefully I won’t be so vitriolic – but who knows – as I’ll be discussing why The Shelter hates you.
Until next time – keep it real!
Riaad
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